do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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