I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
