You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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