You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
