He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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