cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
