These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
