I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
