Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
