Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
