I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this hospital has no fireball
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
