1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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