Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
