Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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