just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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