I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drake has all the answers
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
