We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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