I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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