I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
