It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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