i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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