I could have mohawked her pubes.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
