There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize