Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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