Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
