He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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