You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
