This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
