Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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