so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Farmville is her only friend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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