he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
