Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
