There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
