im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
