That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Welp...herpes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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