If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
