I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have grass duct taped all over my body
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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