i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
