Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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