That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
