god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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