so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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