My balls are so social today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How external is "for external use only"?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
