You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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