I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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