It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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