Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
