I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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