fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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