It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
