based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
