thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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