So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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