Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
