got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
