I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize