In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
