Cold hands, warm shart.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
