recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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