can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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