the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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