my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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