I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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