Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
