Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
