I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
