That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
