Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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